Day 15

Burt has just completed two weeks in the hospital and day two of rehab boot camp. His brother Harry, the early riser, showed up for the morning session and the rest of the Stern clan moseyed in for the afternoon one.

That said, it was a pretty eventful hour. Whereas every session until now has been in bed, this was the first time Burt went to the rehab gym. He entered the colosseum of recovery, where fifty to eighty gladiators did battle with their new hips and old knees. The nurses even dressed him for the big event, but unfortunately the Stern family neglected to bring in his clothes so he was stuck in less than styling hospital duds.

Burt was rolled in front of a hydraulic table that was raised to the perfect height for him to rest his weight while upright. They stood him up and gave him the basic support required to stand. The main area they had to assist in was keeping his left leg straight. When they asked him how he felt, he said, "vertical."

The full audience watched with smiles as he worked up a sweat standing up and gave him a round of applause when he sat down. They checked his blood pressure and vitals and when he was cleared they had him stand twice more. During the session Burt had to learn a variety of highly technical terms such as scooch and shimmy.

The nice victory was tarnished a few minutes later back in his room. Before Burt could have a celebratory nap, which is customary after these sessions, Burt's nurse decided it was time for his Nilstat. This is an anti-fungal gel for his thrush that has a similar consistency to liquid Vaseline. Burt has hated this stuff since the first time he had to use it. When they explained to him that he was supposed to swish it around in his mouth and then spit it out, he said, "it's disgusting, why would I ever want to swallow that stuff?"

Unfortunately, he inadvertently got his opportunity today. Either in an attempt to retake the swallow test or negligence on the hands of his male nurse, a bit of the Nilstat went down Burt's throat and he coughed violently for about an hour. Amidst his coughs, Burt's nurse, who looked like he belonged in an afternoon soap opera and not a real hospital said, "it's OK as long as they make noise... it is when they are silent that you have to worry."

This was not the Stern family's favorite nurse. When the ordeal was over Burt was left sweaty, tired and without too much of a voice. A young female nurse came and gave the gladiator a sponge bath which handled the sweaty part, but he was still pretty horse the rest of the day. Burt eventually relaxed and got some rest so he can be ready for more rehab tomorrow.